Sex questions about women
Where exactly is a woman’s G-spot?
First things first and what a lot of people may not know is that the term ‘G-spot’ is actually the abbreviation for Gräfenberg Spot, named after Ernst Gräfenberg, a German gynaecologist who first wrote about the urethra’s role in a female orgasm in the 1950’s1. The term ‘G-spot’ was coined in 1981 as the concept of the female orgasm was further explored by a team of experts.
Many have debated as to whether the G-spot actually exists or is merely mythical hype perpetuated by modern media. To date, scientific evidence supporting the existence of the G-spot remains contradictory. Many researchers are adamant that this structure does not exist2 - while others insist that it does but is an anatomical structure that no every woman has3.
While the controversy continues, some women still claim to orgasm through stimulation of the G-spot and others find it extremely uncomfortable. Due to the fact that everyone is different, it will require a degree of experimentation, and that means locating it…
The G-spot is supposedly a collection of nerve endings, that, when stimulated result in orgasms and in some, female ejaculation. Bear in mind that this spot is in a slightly different location for each woman. In the majority of women, the G-spot is located just beyond the entrance of the vagina, on the front wall between the vaginal opening and the urethra. In others, it may be located mid-way into the vagina or a little further towards the cervix. To manually attempt to locate the G-spot, with a woman lying on her back (or if as a woman you’re trying to locate it on your own)insert a finger into the vagina, and make a ‘come hither’ movement with the finger in question, you may be able to feel a ridged, slightly thicker and spongey area, this, in theory is the G-spot.
Interestingly, a clitoral orgasm is reportedly different to a G-spot orgasm. A clitoral orgasm occurs outside of the vagina, whereas a G-spot orgasm occurs inside a woman’s vagina, just above the opening of her urethra. It is also possible to experience both a clitoral and G-spot orgasm simultaneously, this is often referred to as a ‘blended orgasm’.
**My Med Memo – Did you know that the vulva is the current term for the female genitalia, this is the entire outer anatomy including the mons pubis, labia majora and minora, clitoris and external openings to the vagina and urethra.
How do I make a woman ejaculate and what is squirting?
The first thing you will need to do is ask the woman you are wanting to pleasure about what gets her off. Chances are, she will have an idea of what makes her orgasm.
Generally speaking, however, a number of women are unable to orgasm through penetrative intercourse. A woman is more likely to climax through the manual stimulation of her clitoris through oral sex or fingering (this involves using your finger to stimulate the clit) and deep kissing, these can be done in addition to intercourse. These three actions are often referred to as the ‘golden trio’ by sex experts.
Stimulating a woman’s G-spot can be done by inserting a finger into the vagina and making the ‘come hither’ motion (as described above) or by propping her up on a pillow positioned just below her lower back to allow for the penis (or sex toy) to make contact with this area.
Now, let’s discuss the largely debated topic of female ejaculation. In case you didn’t know, female ejaculate comes from the ‘female prostate4’. You read that right, women do in fact, have anatomical structures called the Skene’s glands that are collectively referred to as the ‘female prostate’. The reason for this is because, when studied, these glands seem to operate in a similar way to the male prostate and are composed of similar cells.
In men, the prostate produces semen’s watery component. For women, the Skene’s glands, or Skene’s ducts are believed to produce the watery substance that is excreted during female ejaculation. These glands are buried beneath the flesh and located adjacent to the G-spot, they are believed to play a role in both G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation.
The tissue that surrounds the female prostate, which includes the area of the clitoris that extends into the vagina, swells during arousal and sexual intercourse.
**My Med Memo - It is important to note that female ejaculation is different to vaginal lubrication which is a result of increased blood flow to the genital region during sexual arousal. This lubricant comes from a woman’s Bartholin’s gland which is located between the vulva and the vagina.
Some women may experience a release of liquid from the urethra when climaxing. This may consist of a small amount of fluid that appears to be milky white, technically speaking, this is female ejaculate. Other women have reported ‘squirting’ a larger amount of milky fluid during climax. Currently, both the origin and nature of ‘squirting’ is a controversial topic.
A team of doctors and researchers published a paper5 in The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2014. Their investigation analysed the nature of the fluid emitted when a woman ‘squirts’, and also explored if perhaps the collection of fluid as a result of sexual arousal could be the reason for the mass emission of fluid that occurs during this form of female ejaculation.
Seven women who reported experiencing recurring mass fluid emission when sexually stimulated were involved in the study. These women then underwent sexually provoked arousal. Doctors performed pelvic ultrasound scans after urination (i.e. when their bladders were empty), during the sexual stimulation, as well as just before and after squirting.
The results of the study were rather interesting, the participants’ bladders were noticeably fuller after sexual stimulation, following this, the researchers noted that after the participants had squirted, their bladders were once again empty, meaning that some of this form of ejaculation is urine.
The biochemical analysis of the fluid showed that urea, uric acid and creatinine were all present in the sample. This data indicates that squirting (i.e. mass fluid emission) is essentially the involuntary release of urine during sexual arousal/activity. However, small amounts of prostatic secretions were often present in the fluid emission as the Skene’s glands aid in propelling ejaculatory fluid during climax.
This means that a large amount of the fluid present after a woman squirts is urine combined with female ejaculate which is thought to be secreted by the Skene’s glands, also known as the female prostate.
In terms of getting a woman to squirt, it is important to remember that not all women do. For those that do experience this phenomenon, it is often achieved through G-spot stimulation. Regardless of whether a woman squirts or not, arousal and sexual enjoyment can still be achieved. As previously stated, every woman is different and has preferred sexual positions or activities that work best for her. Open communication is key when trying to please your partner sexually.
Can I still have sex when I am pregnant?
Most doctors will tell you that sexual intercourse during a normal, healthy pregnancy is safe and will not harm your unborn baby who is protected within the uterus and surrounded by amniotic fluid.
However, your doctor may advise against having sex and/or becoming sexually aroused and orgasming if you have a high-risk pregnancy and/or experience any pregnancy complications such as:
- A history of miscarriages and/or a risk of miscarriage in your current pregnancy.
- Cramping, vaginal discharge or bleeding due to an undetermined cause.
- Contractions before 37 weeks and are at risk of going into preterm labour.
- The membranes of the amniotic sac have ruptured and/or fluid leakage occurs.
- A prematurely opened cervix
- Placenta previa (when the placenta drops in the uterus)
- Expecting multiples (twins, triplets etc.)
When in doubt, always chat to your doctor or gynaecologist.
Does sex make my vagina ‘loose’?
The notions of vaginal ‘looseness’ and ‘tightness’ are riddled with myths, old wives’ tales and some science. There are a number of people who think that the tightness of a vagina is linked to how much sex a woman has had. They believe that she may lose her tightness after losing her virginity and thereafter the vagina will only loosen with each sexual experience. However, this is far from the truth.
To explain how the vagina works, it helps to understand the elasticity of the vagina. When the vagina is at rest (i.e. when a woman is not having sexual intercourse or giving birth), the muscle tissue will remain tightly folded. Anxiety can result in further clenching of the vaginal muscles, this is often why women may sometimes battle to insert a tampon or experience discomfort during a gynaecological examination or even sex (especially if past experiences have been painful or traumatic), as these events often trigger a certain level of anxiety.
When a woman is sexually aroused, the vaginal muscles will begin to relax in order for sexual penetration to be facilitated. If the vagina feels uncomfortably tight during intercourse, this is often due to the woman not being fully aroused or not having enough time to allow for the vaginal muscles to relax and for natural lubrication to take place.
It is important to be aware of the fact that intercourse does not result in the permanent stretching of the vagina. Although the muscles may loosen during intercourse, this is not permanent, and the vagina will return to its normal tightness after sex.
With this in mind, there are two exceptions that result in the loss of vaginal tightness. The first one is childbirth. Childbirth stretches the vaginal muscles a great deal and after giving birth, some of the significant stretching may cause the muscles to struggle to return to their once strong and tight state.
The other exception is age. Age naturally fatigues the vaginal muscles and results in vaginal laxity. Some women may experience this more than others. Therefore, contrary to widespread belief, natural birth and age are contributing factors to vaginal stretching and not sexual intercourse.
Why does my vagina sometimes feel different for my partner when we have sex?
There are a number of different things that may result in a woman’s vagina feeling different when having sex. The first of which is quite simply that there may not be one specific reason as to why there are changes in sensation, this is because sex is never really the same every time. A woman’s body responds in a variety of different ways to sexual intercourse and this response has a lot to do with her stress level, the stage of her menstrual cycle and overall mood. Sex experts often recommend that a couple should try to have sex at different times of the month, week or day to see if any changes are noticeable.
Another factor may be the tightness of a woman’s vagina. Although incremental, vaginal tightness may be slightly increased if a woman has not had sexual intercourse for a while as the muscles have not needed to stretch and as a result, having sex after a ‘dry spell’, so to speak, may feel a little tighter compared to normal.
If your partner is feeling a difference in how your vagina feels during sex, this may be a result of certain sexual positions. The positioning of your body will feel different for a man due to his angle of penetration. If you lie on your stomach with your legs together and have your partner enter you from behind, this may feel significantly tighter for your partner compared to the missionary position, for instance.
The duration of foreplay also has a role to play in the natural lubrication of the vagina, less time spent on sexual arousal before intercourse may result in both parties feeling more friction and this may even be painful for you both too.
Keep in mind that every woman’s vagina is different and how your vagina feels to your partner is dependent on a number of personal factors that are often out of your control. The best thing you can do is experiment with what feels best for both of you.
How do I make my vagina feel tighter for my partner without surgery?
A number of women ask this question as a tighter or firmer vagina is often perceived to be more sexually pleasing to their male partner.
One of the most popular and natural ways to tighten, or rather, strengthen your vagina is through pelvic floor exercises known as Kegels. These are a form of vaginal workout that involves clenching and releasing of the pelvic floor muscles. The great thing about these exercises is that they can be performed anywhere without anyone else knowing that you are doing them.
To perform Kegel exercises or Kegels, you will need to locate the muscles of your pelvic floor. These can be found when urinating. The next time you go to the toilet, try to stop your urination midstream, if you are successful in stopping your urination, then you have found your pelvic floor muscles, and these are the muscles you will use to perform Kegels.
When you have located these muscles, when seated at your desk, waiting in the grocery line or driving in your car, you may find it easier to try out these exercises when seated if this is your first time doing them.
The following information below describes how to perform Kegel exercises:
- Locate your pelvic floor muscles (to find these muscles it may also help to pretend you are attempting to tighten your vaginal muscles around a tampon).
- Practice your contractions by contracting the pelvic floor muscles for three to five seconds at a time followed by a three to five-second
- Repeat this contraction and relaxation cycle ten times.
- Gradually increase the amount of time you spend contracting and relaxing these muscles, try to reach ten seconds at a time.
- Try to do roughly 30 Kegels each day (one Kegel involves a ten second clench followed by a ten second release, if you are just starting these exercises for the first time then you may only be able to hold/clench for three seconds or less).
**My Med Memo – Please note that Kegels are not a miracle ‘get-tight-quick’ method. However, in strengthening your pelvic floor muscles, over time, this can make sex more pleasurable for both you and your partner.
Performing Kegels will result in the strengthening of the PC (pubococcygeus) muscle. This muscle forms your pelvic floor and gives support to the pelvic organs. This action will inherently increase your sexual response and overall satisfaction.
Why do some women have more natural lubrication than others?
Lubrication of the vagina allows for easier penile penetration, which in laymen’s terms, allows for better sex. Lubrication occurs during arousal. Some women produce more lubrication than others. This has a lot to do with hormones, the time of the month (i.e. the phase of the menstrual cycle one is currently in), mood, attraction to one’s partner and more.
If you struggle with natural lubrication due to the use of medications such as the birth control pill (this often results in decreased lubrication due to the pill’s effect on oestrogen levels which are linked to the amount of fluid released during sexual arousal), then there are other methods that can be utilised such as jelly’s and lubes that you can buy from your local pharmacy or health store. Water-based lubricants are generally recommended as they are smooth, non-sticky and are also compatible with condoms, but be mindful of the fact that they often need to be reapplied.
** Note to women – water-based lubricants which often contain glycerin may increase the risk of female infection, as such, always ensure that you clean up after having sex.
1. Academia. Ernest Gräfenberg 1950 The role of urethra in female orgasm. in: The International Journal of Sexology vol. III, no. 3: 145-148. Available: http://www.academia.edu/1743428/Ernest_Gr%C3%A4fenberg_1950_The_role_of_urethra_in_female_orgasm._in_The_International_Journal_of_Sexology_vol._III_no._3_145-148 [Accessed 10.04.2018]
2. Research Gate. 2012. Does the G-spot exist? A review of the current literature. Available: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/225272842_Does_the_G-spot_exist_A_review_of_the_current_literature [Accessed 11.04.2018]
3. NCBI. 2010. Who's afraid of the G-spot? Available: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20092462 [Accessed 10.04.2018]
4. NCBI. 2006. The female prostate revisited: perineal ultrasound and biochemical studies of female ejaculate. Available: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17634056 [Accessed 23.03.2018]
5. The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 2014. Nature and Origin of “Squirting” in Female Sexuality. Available: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jsm.12799 [Accessed 23.0